SoftalkWithPhil

Happy Friday my loves!

Based on the title alone, you already know what time it is because whew… nobody prepared me for adulthood. Nobody. Not a soul.

As a child who genuinely grew up with a silver spoon in her mouth, shout out to my parents and shout out to God too because I was blessed more than I realized at the time, all I can say is:

“Mi never know a suh it did hard.”

LOL.

And before anybody starts, no, I am not saying I grew up rich. I am saying I grew up protected. There is a difference.

As children, a lot of us had no idea what was happening behind the scenes. We woke up, and there was food. We went to school, and there were uniforms. We needed books, and somehow, books appeared. The lights worked. The water worked. The rent got paid. Church clothes magically showed up. Birthday gifts showed up. Christmas happened every year.

Life just… worked, or at least that’s how it looked. Now as an adult? Chiiiiilllleeee.

I understand why our parents looked tired sometimes. I understand why they stared into space. I understand why they sighed before answering certain questions. I understand why they went into their room and closed the door.

As a matter of fact, I owe some adults apologies because when I was younger, I genuinely thought people were being dramatic. Turns out they were carrying entire households.

I saw a TikTok recently that said something like, “When you were younger, you clapped during testimony service. Now you’re the adult, and you’re crying,” and when I tell you that thing hit me directly between the eyes. Because wow.

Growing up, I used to sit in church listening to people cry and testify, and honestly? I did not fully understand it. Now? Now I am the adult. Now I understand what it feels like to pray over bills. Now I understand what it feels like to wonder how something is going to work out. Now I understand what it feels like to be waiting on an answer from God while responsibilities continue showing up every single month like they own the place.

An even more important question I have daily is, why does everything cost money? Why is everything sooo expensive now that I’m an adult?

No seriously.

Why?

Groceries. Rent. Insurance. Phone bill. Internet. Transportation. Gas. Medical expenses. Travel. Taxes.

The taxes alone deserve their own prayer meeting.

Nobody prepared me for the fact that adulthood is basically paying for things you need in order to continue paying for things you need, and somehow we are all expected to know what we’re doing.

Be so fr.

One of the biggest shocks for me was realizing there is no official adulthood handbook. Nobody gives you a manual at eighteen. Nobody sits you down and says, “Okay, here is exactly how life is going to go, and here is how you solve every problem.”

We are literally figuring things out one day at a time, and honestly? That used to terrify me. Especially because I am naturally a planner. I like plans. I like timelines. I like knowing what comes next. I like certainty. Actually, I LOVE these things.

Life looked at all of that and said, “No, ma’am.”

Because one thing adulthood teaches you very quickly is that control is an illusion.

You can do everything right and still experience setbacks. You can save money and still face unexpected expenses. You can get the degree and still struggle finding the job. You can have the plan and still end up somewhere completely different.

If we are being honest, that reality can make you frustrated with God sometimes. I know it did for me.

There were moments where I genuinely looked around and thought, “Lord, what is going on?” Not because I stopped believing in Him. Not because I stopped loving Him. But because I could not understand what He was doing.

Recently I finished reading the Book of Job, and let me tell youuu… that book humbled me badly. Simply because if there was ever somebody who had reason to question God, it was Job. Yet one of the biggest lessons I walked away with was realizing how limited my perspective truly is.

Job wanted answers. Job wanted understanding. Job wanted an audience with God, and when God finally responded, He did not start explaining every detail. Instead, He started asking questions.

Questions about creation. Questions about the Earth. Questions about the sea. Questions about things Job could never control in the first place. The more I read, the more I realized God was reminding Job of something we all need to remember from time to time:

You only see a small piece of the picture, while God sees the whole picture.

I think what surprises me most about adulthood isn’t even how expensive it is. The money part is stressful, don’t get me wrong, but what truly gets me is how everything just keeps going. There is always something to do. Always another responsibility. Another bill. Another appointment. Another errand. Another email. Another deadline. Another thing demanding your attention.

Sometimes adulthood feels like one giant loop.

You clean today, and somehow it needs cleaning again tomorrow. You buy groceries, and before you know it, you’re back in the supermarket, wondering who ate everything. You pay one bill, and another one appears like it was waiting around the corner for its turn. You solve one problem, and life immediately presents you with a brand new one.

Nobody talks about how exhausting that can be.

Not because you’re doing anything wrong, but because life simply keeps moving. The sun rises. The bills come. The responsibilities remain. And if you’re not careful, you can become so consumed with surviving adulthood that you forget to actually live it.

I think that’s why rest has become so important to me lately. Not just physical rest either. Soul rest. The kind of rest where you stop striving for a moment. The kind of rest where you stop trying to carry everything. The kind of rest where you sit with God and remember that the world is not resting on your shoulders.

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”

Matthew 11:28

The older I get, the more beautiful that verse becomes because God feels like a deep breath in the middle of adulthood.

You know that feeling after a long, stressful day when you finally sit down, and your shoulders drop? That moment when everything becomes quiet for just a second, and you can finally breathe again?

That is what God’s presence feels like to me. A breath of fresh air. A reminder that while life may be demanding, I was never meant to carry it alone.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I am not promising perfection. Following God doesn’t suddenly remove the bills, the responsibilities, or the pressures of adulthood. Trust me, if that were the case, I would’ve signed up even faster lol. What He does give us is peace in the middle of it all. He reminds us to pause. To breathe. To rest. To remember that He is still God even when life feels overwhelming.

That lesson changed the way I view adulthood because sometimes I get so focused on the one bill, the one disappointment, the one unanswered prayer, the one thing that is stressing me out, that I forget God is managing the entire universe simultaneously.

He is not sitting on a throne doing nothing. He is sustaining creation. Holding planets in place. Watching over nations. Answering prayers. Moving pieces around that I cannot even see, and somehow, He still knows my name.

That thought brings me so much comfort. Not because adulthood suddenly becomes easy. Trust me, it doesn’t. The bills still exist. The responsibilities still exist. The stress still exists. The grocery prices definitely still exist. But my perspective changes.

Adulthood is teaching me something I never learned as a child:

Trusting God is not believing He will do everything exactly how I want. Trusting God is believing He remains good even when I do not understand what He is doing.

Honestly? I am still learning that lesson every single day. Some days I laugh. Some days I cry. Some days I stare at my bank account and say, “Lord, let’s discuss.” But through it all, God has remained faithful not because life has been perfect or every prayer has been answered. But because every season has revealed that His provision looks a lot different than I imagined.

Looking back now, I realize my parents were not superheroes. They were people trusting God one day at a time. Maybe that’s what adulthood really is. Not having all the answers. Not having everything figured out. Just learning how to trust God through things you never thought you would have to carry.

Love Phil,

xoxo