SoftalkWithPhil

Happy Sunday, my lovies.

This one right here? Yeah… let’s just get straight into it because obedience to God is beautiful but nobody talks enough about how heartbreaking it can feel sometimes.

People always talk about the blessings that come with following God, the peace, the joy, the purpose, the transformation, and yes all of that is true. But what they do not tell you enough is that sometimes obedience requires grief. Real grief. The kind that sits on your chest at night. The kind that makes you question yourself. The kind that has you crying while still knowing God is right.

And honestly? I think that is one of the hardest parts of walking with Him.

I had to let go of someone I loved for years because deep down I knew God was showing me he was not “the one.”

Now was that easy? Absolutely not.

For days I cried. Real tears. Because I genuinely loved him and truthfully? I probably will always have a soft spot for him in my heart. Some people impact your life deeply and even after you let them go, a part of you still wishes things could have been different.

But sometimes love alone is not enough.

And… that realization humbled me badly.

Before I got saved, I honestly did not think deeply about spiritual compatibility. If a man believed in God somewhere in the background that was good enough for me. I was not prioritizing faith myself so naturally I was not looking for it seriously in other people either.

But the closer I got to God, the more my desires started changing.

Not overnight because let me not come on here acting super holy overnight lol. But slowly. Quietly. Conviction started settling into places I used to ignore. I started realizing I wanted more than attraction. More than chemistry. More than vibes. I wanted spiritual alignment.

And that is where the Bible verse about being unequally yoked started hitting me differently.

For the longest time I used to think being “unequally yoked” only meant one person believed in God and the other person did not. But honestly it goes deeper than that sometimes. You can both say you believe in God and still be walking in completely different spiritual directions.

One person pulling toward purpose.
The other pulling toward comfort.
One person trying to grow spiritually.
The other uninterested completely.

Eventually somebody starts getting pulled away from where God is calling them.

And truthfully? I started noticing the shift in myself before I fully accepted it emotionally. The things I once tolerated started making me uncomfortable. Conversations that once entertained me started feeling empty. Certain habits stopped feeling normal to me. Even my taste in men started changing because once God starts renewing your mind, your spirit begins craving different things.

And no, I am not saying that person cannot change because absolutely God changes people every day. But I also had to realize something important:
that is God’s job, not mine.

OH MY GOSH!

I think sometimes women especially struggle with this because we see potential and immediately start trying to nurture it into purpose. We want to pray people into becoming who we think they could be. We start carrying relationships God never told us to carry because we are attached to who somebody might become someday.

Meanwhile God is saying:
“That is not your assignment.”

And honestly? Obedience hurts when your heart wants one thing but your spirit knows another.

I lost friendships too.

Friendships I genuinely thought would last forever.

And if you have ever outgrown certain friendships because of your walk with God then you know exactly how painful and awkward that process can feel. Sometimes nobody even did anything “terrible.” Sometimes you simply stop aligning.

Your conversations change.
Your priorities change.
Your desires change.
Your convictions change.

And suddenly environments that once felt normal start feeling uncomfortable.

That pruning process is painful.

Immediately, I think about John 15 when Jesus says He is the true vine and the Father prunes the branches so they can bear more fruit, and… pruning sounds nice until God actually starts cutting things off.

Because pruning requires loss.

Sometimes, God removes people.
Sometimes, He removes habits.
Sometimes, He removes distractions.
Sometimes, He removes environments.
Sometimes, He even removes versions of YOU.

And let me tell you something honestly?
Some versions of ourselves are very hard to let die.

I had to let go of the worldly version of me too.

The girl who woke up blasting dancehall first thing in the morning without a second thought. The girl who could go weeks without praying and not feel convicted about it. The girl who carried frustration all over her face like everybody around her personally offended her lol. The girl who looked confident outwardly but internally needed healing badly.

And truthfully? Sometimes I miss parts of her too.

Not because she was healthier.
Not because she had more peace.
But because flesh naturally misses comfort.

That version of me could do whatever she wanted without conviction interrupting her every five business seconds lol. But current me understands something younger me did not fully grasp yet:
Freedom without God is not real freedom.

Sometimes what we call freedom is actually bondage dressed up nicely.

And no, let me clarify something because I do not want people reading this and thinking following God means becoming boring, miserable, robotic, or emotionless, because, absolutely not. I still laugh. I still enjoy life. I still have personality. I still have moments where I am dramatic and the Lord probably looking at me like “Phil… please” lol.

But there is a difference now.

There is awareness now.
There is conviction now.
There is peace now.

Not perfect peace because be so fr, I am still growing every single day. I still catch attitudes sometimes. I still have moments where my flesh wants to respond before wisdom does. I still get frustrated. But now I catch myself quicker.

And honestly? That alone is growth.

Sometimes we think transformation has to look dramatic when really transformation often looks like awareness. The fact that you recognize things now that you once ignored is evidence that God is working on you.

A Jamaican proverb says, “Monkey know which tree fi climb.”

And honestly? The older I get, the more I realize the enemy studies people too. He knows what emotionally pulls at you. He knows what you miss. He knows what tempts you. He knows what version of your old life still calls your name sometimes.

That is why obedience requires intentionality.

Because if you are not careful nostalgia will have you romanticizing seasons that were quietly destroying you.

And trust me, I understand missing people. Missing old habits. Missing old versions of yourself. But one thing I have learned is this:
God never removes something without purpose.

Sometimes, He is protecting you.
Sometimes, He is preparing you.
Sometimes, He is pruning you.
Sometimes, He is answering prayers you forgot you prayed.

And one thing about God? He sees the full picture while we only see fragments.

So if you are currently in a season where God is asking you to let go of something or someone and your heart feels broken because of it, I need you to know something:
Obedience is not always painless, but it is always purposeful.

And eventually, the peace God gives you will outweigh the grief of what you lost.

God’s girl,
Phil