SoftalkWithPhil

So, I disappeared for a while. Not intentionally — I just needed to breathe. Life got loud, confusing, and a little too real. The kind of loud where you can’t even hear your own thoughts, much less God’s voice.

I was doing all the “right” things. Working, hustling, chasing goals, keeping up appearances, being the strong one — the girl who always has a plan. But somewhere along the way, I started to lose myself. I looked in the mirror one morning and realized I didn’t even recognize the girl staring back at me. She smiled, but she looked tired. Not the kind of tired sleep could fix but the kind that sits in your soul.

I started asking myself questions I didn’t have answers to:
What am I even doing with my life? Why do I feel so stuck? Why does everyone else seem to be moving forward while I’m here, waiting for something I can’t even name?

It’s wild because I thought I had faith. I prayed, I journaled, I even said “God’s got me” a few times when things went left. But deep down, I was trying to control everything: relationships, opportunities, timelines. I wanted God’s blessing, but I also wanted it my way. And if I’m honest, that’s where it all started to crumble.

I tried to fill the emptiness with things that looked good on the outside — new habits, new goals, new people but none of it hit like peace. I was chasing peace like it was a place to arrive at instead of a Person to abide in. It took me a while to realize peace isn’t found in a soft-life routine or a morning affirmation, it’s found in Jesus.

And no, that’s not me trying to sound “super spiritual.” It’s just real. Because when everything fell apart, and I had no one else to run to, He was still there. Quietly. Patiently. Not rushing me to be perfect, just reminding me that He never left.

There’s this version of God many of us grew up hearing about, the one who’s ready to punish us if we mess up. But then there’s the real God — the One who steps into our mess, not to shame us, but to show us grace. The One who sits with you in silence when you can’t even pray. The One who says, “I still want you, even now.” That’s the God I found. Or maybe I should say, that’s the God who found me again.

So, this blog isn’t about pretending to have it all figured out. It’s not for the perfect girl who never doubts, never slips, and always wakes up with her Bible open and a latte in hand (though if that’s you, girl, teach me your ways LOL!).

This space is for the girls who love God but still overthink everything.
The ones who are healing from things they don’t talk about.
The ones who smile in public but cry in private.
The ones who want to be close to God but sometimes don’t know how.

Here’s what I’ve learned, God isn’t waiting for you to get your life together before He loves you. He’s loving you right now, in the middle of your figuring-it-out season. And the more you lean in, the more you’ll start to see His hand in the details, even the painful ones.

This new chapter of my blog isn’t about religion. It’s about relationship. It’s about the moments when life doesn’t make sense but somehow, God still does. It’s about faith, healing, identity, and everything we’re afraid to talk about but need to.

If you’ve ever felt lost, stuck, or like your story doesn’t make sense — welcome home.
I’m starting over, not as the girl who has it all together, but as the girl who finally let God write her next chapter.

Let’s grow together — spiritually, emotionally, and unapologetically.
Welcome back to the journey.

“The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” — Exodus 14:14

Reflection Question:
Where has God been trying to meet you lately — and are you still enough to hear Him?